BDSM

Discover tie-and-tease play with our huge range of bondage gear. Whether you're a bondage beginner or a sex expert, we have a full range of BDSM toys and accessories, from handcuffs and restraints to spankers, ticklers and floggers. 

You'll likely have heard a lot more about BDSM in recent years, but what is the true BDSM meaning? With so many new BDSM dating apps around, and a rise in the popularity of bondage sex you need to know about BDSM sex. It's important to read up as much as you can on bondage, discipline, domination, submission, sadism and masochism before you try BDSM with a partner. To enjoy BDSM sex, you'll need to know what you're doing and how to do it safely. And if you're looking for a little inspiration before you get started, read these IRL bondage sex stories.

 

What is BDSM?

BDSM is a term used to describe certain aspects of sex that can be split into these major groups: bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism.

 

BDSM, consent and safe words

Informed consent between individuals is known as SSC (Safe, Sane and Consensual) or RACK (Risk-aware Consensual Kink). It's common practice for lovers who indulge in regular BDSM acts to introduce a safe word, which when spoken ensures that the current act stops immediately if things start to get out of hand.

It can be a word unrelated to sex, such as 'pineapple' for example, just as long as you both agree that your chosen safety word means everything must stop until the situation has been resolved.

 

Why Buy Bondage Gear?

While people have been engaging in forms of bondage play for centuries, the popularity of the Fifty Shades of Grey franchise has caused a recent surge in bondage curiosity. For some, it remains nothing more than a curiosity, but for others, bondage is an important part of their sexuality and their identity.

Bondage gear, such as restraints, gags, whips and floggers, allow lovers to explore power dynamics. When a person becomes a Dom or Damme they are in control of their and their partner’s experience, which can feel exciting and sexy. For subs, relinquishing control to another person is exhilarating.

When it comes to impact play, some people find it hard to believe that a little bit of pain can be sexy. But, spanking, flogging and other forms of striking the body don’t need to hurt too badly. Spanking can awaken nerve endings in your skin you never knew you had, while many find a little bit of pain can intensify their pleasure.

 

Bondage is for Everyone

No matter your gender or sexual orientation, bondage is for absolutely everyone. As long as you’re practising it safely and with people, you trust, introducing elements of BDSM (Bondage Dominance Sadism Masochism) into your sex life could spice things up. But let's get it clear, when we say BDSM, we’re not suggesting you go straight into hanging weights from your nipples (not yet anyway).

Bondage toys come in many shapes and sizes, and there are bondage kits out there to suit every level and every taste.

 

Beginner Bondage Kits

A beginner bondage kit may contain a couple of easy-to-remove wrist restraints, a blindfold and maybe a wide paddle for some light spanking. As you become more confident in your BDSM play, you can graduate to some kinky BDSM toys, such as rope and whips. But remember, you don’t have to rush into getting a full set of bondage gear to uncover this side of your sexuality. Any sexual scenario which explores power dynamics is considered BDSM.

For example, a perfect bondage toy to start with is a blindfold. Blindfolds restrict our predominant sense (sight), meaning that the wearer has to rely on and trust their partner more than usual. It also means that all of their other senses can be more responsive, too, making for some incredible sensations.

 

Hardcore Bondage Toys

Don’t think we’ve forgotten about your bondage aficionados. We’ve got a range of hardcore bondage toys to satisfy every BDSM lover, from electro-play to urethral sounding, to medical roleplay gear.

If you’ve been around the bondage block a few times and are looking for something new, we’re bound (‘scuse the pun) to have something to whet your appetite for punishment. If you’re curious about bondage and other forms of BDSM, check out our blog or buyer’s guides for more information.

If you’re ready to bite the ball gag and go for it, check out our range of beginner’s bondage kits and get ready to awaken your dark side.

 

Traffic light system

The traffic light system is the most common and easily used safe word system. Each colour is used to communicate how you're feeling and what you want. 

Red: means stop. Saying this will mean you want your partner to stop everything they're doing immediately. It should be used when you're not comfortable, things are getting too much, or you no longer consent.

Yellow (or amber): means slow down. Maybe you liked what they were doing but then it became a little too much. Yellow is saying “reel it in a little bit”. It can also mean you're reaching your limit or are edging on physical discomfort.

Green: means go for it. Use green if you like what your partner's doing, you feel comfortable, and you want them to continue.

If you're asked to stop, you should always greet a 'no' or stop' with gratitude and acceptance. Saying ‘no’ can be very hard and any sign of frustration on the receiving end might compromise honest communication in the future. Showing positive reinforcement and acceptance when your partner finds the courage to express their limits and boundaries will encourage them to always communicate freely with you. This is important to protect them from feeling violated but also to limit the risk of you unintentionally violating them. Their ability to say ‘no’ is a beautiful gift, not a limitation!

 

What does it mean to be dominant?

You and your partner(s) must first decide who's going to play the dominant role and who's going to play the submissive. It's extremely important for both of you to interchange and plays both roles so you can both experience being in control of your shared sexual destiny. Quite simply, the dominant role will demonstrate skill and power and will control the submissive role.

The dominant/submissive dynamic is often also referred to as top/bottom. In BDSM, the top is the dominant partner who dishes out the spanking, bondage, clamping and whipping, and the 'bottom' is the submissive partner. However, bottoms can also be the more dominant partner by demanding the top to perform certain acts of their choosing and even insist on switching roles.

 

What does it mean to be a submissive?

The position of the submissive lover is one of trust and learning. This involves giving away the reins to your mind and body and allowing your lover to take them fully. As much as being a submissive is about relinquishing control, she is keen to point out you will not cease to have a voice.

A submissive lover should always expect a level of balance and to be able to guide sex within the boundaries of their desires without pressure to exceed them. Many people with sexually submissive desires have concerns about the effect it may have on their day-to-day living. We have a conscious choice to act and by submitting to your lover in the bedroom, you will not find this choice has been invalidated. It is incredibly common for confident and socially dominant individuals to act on their sexually submissive fantasies.

 

BDSM and bondage sex toys for beginners

4 Love suggests beginner couples leave out accessories and equipment for your first few times, and instead focus entirely on each other. Becoming accustomed to a role as a dominant lover takes time, even if you're used to leading sex. All lights are on you and what you're going to do next. The popularity of bondage toys has skyrocketed over the last couple of years. So once you are ready to use sex toys and accessories, there are so many fun products to choose from.

It's important to remember that by taking a sexually submissive role you are not giving your lover carte blanche to use you in any way they see fit. While there are couples that choose to live in a 24/7 dominant/submissive (D/S) relationship, not everyone who has submissive desires has to follow this relationship structure.